Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
