I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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