she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
