good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I want to be your penis for a week.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
