I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
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But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
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HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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