Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
