I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
