The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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