You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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