i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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