i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
