I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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