I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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