it was like his penis was on wheels.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
