cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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