C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
