at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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