I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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