The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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