Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
