I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize