I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
