Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
