You smell like stripper and shame
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
