i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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