Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I lost the right to judge tonight
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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