Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
