Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
