i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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