How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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