Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
When did angry sex become our thing?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
