dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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