all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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