I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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