Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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