Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
should my penis look like a turkey
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I didn't notice because vodka
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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