Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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