i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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