im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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