just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He shit in the fireplace
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
