how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
