What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
high people should be assigned attendants
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
