can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
