I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
