THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
