Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
