The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Randomize
