Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
