did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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