i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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