i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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