How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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