Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
