I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
