dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
