The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
