New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
