i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
