Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
