I wish I could punch you in the face.
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
