Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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