Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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