i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
