You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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