Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
