guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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